“All You Can Ever Know” Book Review
The book All You Can Ever Know by author Nicole Chung introduces readers to the complexity of being born an adoptee. This emotional narrative is framed through two different perspectives: Nicole Chung and her biological sister, Cindy. Most of the book revolves around Chung’s journey to find her biological parents and yet only a small portion of the book is used when she does end up finding them. Consequently, this literal format is reflective of Chung’s own journey; the intense desire to know more about her biological parents and the short eventual closure and developed maturity of her character. Throughout the book, it’s evident to see how Chung’s environment leads her to want to know more about her adoptive parents, which implicitly entails and highlights the complexity of adoption.
The premise of this book deals with the relationships of an adoptee to their biological parents. The nature of this plot also entails subproblems for the adoptee such as self-identity. Take the quote, “If I were a heroine in a fairy tale, I often thought, and a fairy godmother offered to grant me wishes, I would ask for peaches-and-cream skin, eyes like deep blue pools, hair like spun gold instead of blackest ink” (Chung 1). Rather than embrace the difference, Chung instead chooses conformity as she is bothered by the way people perceive her. The reason that Chung feels this way is because of her dominantly white neighborhood and the racial ignorance her adoptive parents forced upon her as a kid.
The struggle of self-identity that Chung faces is also attributed to the mere fact that she is adopted. Take the quote, “In most published stories, adoptees still aren’t the adults, the ones with power or agency or desires that matter — we’re the babies in the orphanage; we’re the kids who don’t quite fit in; we are struggling souls our adoptive families fought for, objects of hope, symbols of tantalizing potential and parental magnanimity and wishes fulfilled. We are wanted, found, or saved, but never grown, never entirely our own” (Chung 5). Throughout Chung’s childhood her adoptive parents protected her from the complexity of her adoption and as a result never had the chance of becoming her own person.
In chapter eight it’s revealed how Chung’s adoptive parents found it uncomfortable to share pictures of Chung to her birth parents. Chung had no opportunity to decide for herself whether or not she wanted to connect with her birth parents. This coincides with the idea of self-identity and growth which can be an issue for both adoptees and adopters.
In an article by The Guardian it mentions “It is too stark in its severance of the legal relationship between those adopted and their birth family, and out of line with the emotional realities for most involved. The identity needs of adopted people are very important and adoption, in its current form, does not recognize these.” (Letters 2) It’s important that it mentions this considering how Chung faces a similar issue. Everyone has different emotional needs and when it comes to adoption, there has to be a realization for every adopter that they need to consider; whether or not they are willing to accept the possible relationship between the adoptee and their birth parents. The book shows first-hand issues such as self-identity that result from not knowing more about their birth parents and adoption in general .
It’s important to note that this may be an issue for some adoptees but isn’t necessarily reflective of them as a whole. In a YouTube video, an adoptee was asked whether or not she wanted a relationship with their birth family and she responded, “For me I don’t feel like I’m missing anything like I feel like if you share DNA that doesn’t mean that they love you I’m not like mad at my birth parents for like giving me up because I feel like they did it for like giving me a better life and for that like I’m grateful…” (Jubilee 5:00–5:06) This does seem to relatively represent the portion of adoptees who don’t want to meet their adoptive parents. Despite some adoptees not wanting to have a relationship with their birth parents, it’s still important that they are given the choice as to fulfill their emotional needs. Take chapter eight of the book for example, Chung feels emotionally betrayed by her adoptive parents that she never got to choose whether or not she can have a relationship with her birth family. This eventually leads to a growing frustration and small rift between Chung and her adoptive parents, highlighting the importance of choice when it comes to adoption.
All You Can Every Know gives a detailed journey into the complex relationship between an adoptee and their birth family. Adoption is something that’s viewed as honorable and gracious although is not for everyone. Adopters need to take into account the emotional needs of the adoptees. Whether or not that means a relationship with their birth family, it should still be the choice of the adoptee. This is an incredible book for anyone who is looking to adopt, for anyone who tends to struggle with the idea of self-identity and just anyone who is interested in the emotional narrative of an adoptee. The book does a great job at highlighting the emotional connection of Chung to her audience.
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